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Deserts.
Arid wastelands without a drop of moisture cover over 10% of the Earth's land surface.
The beauty of the desert is alluring at first glance, but if you enter this kingdom of eternal drought, a battle with burning thirst awaits you, and for the weak, even death.
So what?
Every thirst needs a reason.
It can not only survive in this furnace, but even thrive.
Hey, bro?
Yeah?
Have you talked to the building manager lately?
No.
Great.
The Bedouins liken me to a coffee plant.
A gift from God, perhaps for its versatile use.
The Bactrian camel can survive without drinking for up to two months.
Incredible.
Yeah, you didn't even go near her.
What?
No, since you told me not to.
Great.
I'm writing a request for a new water heater.
I hope she's forgotten you're my brother by now.
It excels at spitting.
It can spit over great distances with surprising accuracy.
If only I could spit like that.
I wouldn't have missed the building manager from that window yesterday.
Not only does it spit saliva, but also partially digested stomach contents.
I got her all the way from the mezzanine.
Which camel herders try to train out of them in the desert.
Of course, in vain.
Dad, I'm off.
And please don't forget to turn off the chicken.
Where is it?
When it's done.
And how will I know?
God, you poke it with a fork.
And?
What do you mean "and"?
What happens when I poke it with a fork?
You'll know it's done.
Okay.
What?
Nothing.
You were huffing.
I just sighed.
It's healthy, I enjoy it, and I'm good at it.
But you're practically naked doing it.
In belly dancing you have to show the belly, that's obvious, isn't it?
She's too young to be writhing around half-naked somewhere.
Marcel, you said she was too old for it.
That's not what I said.
You said at her age she should maintain her dignity.
I meant well.
Iva, Iva, I tried, but I just can't keep the diamond in my belly button.
Where did you get a diamond?
Well, I tried first with a chestnut and then a ladybug, nothing held.
The bayaderes have the diamonds glued on.
Really?
She'd never do that to a ladybug.
Ladies, I don't want to come across as some old fuddy-duddy, but there are so many lovely Czech national dances.
Like what?
Like the Czech Beseda.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Beseda begins, ladies and gentlemen, the Beseda is on.
We've got the folk costume.
You watch the chicken.
Great!
You're connected to the water heater in the neighboring building.
Through a condensation pipe.
And Pacovsky?
Thanks.
And they won't notice.
At home or here?
Here. They're cops, after all.
They're dumber than Pacovsky.
Alright then.
Tomas.
What could he want?
Yeah.
You poke it with a fork.
So you know if the meat comes off the bone.
Bye then.
Easy.
So, how did it go?
Great.
We're going to dance for charity.
In front of people?
Dad.
But you promised you wouldn't do it in public.
No, I said I wouldn't let any strangers into the studio.
Yeah?
And that's true.
Like, they've thrown Lexa out three times already, camera and all.
Good for them.
What kind of event is it?
A charity evening supporting women from developing countries.
The proceeds will go to the Show Your Face campaign so they don't have to wear burqas.
It'll be at the Hilton.
And maybe even the Qatari ambassador will come.
I've got no problem with showing faces, but the fact that you'll be showing everything else to some Arab, that I just don't like.
Sometimes I wonder if you're the Arab here.
What?
What about the chicken?
It's fine, I let it finish.
What?
Finish.
Thing is, I don't want to leave it in the storage room, Ozzak keeps picking at it.
He probably thinks it's beer money.
Good day, Marcelka.
Hello.
I had ten missed calls from you on my phone, did something happen?
No, everything's fine.
So I can delete the text about how to tell when meat comes off the bone.
Ivuska, did you tell your dad the big news?
Yeah.
And is preparing a performance for an important charity event in front of high society dignified enough?
Well, we wouldn't be dancing in burqas.
Now, Iva, don't make me out to be some fuddy-duddy.
Well, I'm off.
I can't wait to take a shower.
Me too.
Hold on, today it's my turn.
But I've been sweating for an hour and you've been sitting by the oven watching your chicken.
Ugh, risotto.
If Dad hadn't stripped all the meat off the bone, you could've had chicken.
Just eat.
Risotto is a good and economical meal.
And it'll last until tomorrow.
We have to cut back because of you anyway.
So you're buying me one?
Eat more.
What are you buying him?
Van Gouda.
Dad.
No.
But you promised!
I said we'll buy a water heater because the co-op won't pay for one thanks to you.
And this taking-turns showering is awful.
They rejected the request?
No, but I found it crumpled up by the dumpsters.
That looks rejected.
I'm not going to eat scraps for something I don't even use.
Oh please, yesterday you used up all the hot water.
Me?
Excuse me!
You went into the bathroom, the shower was running.
I was making the sound with my mouth!
And you still managed to sing Cossack songs at the same time.
Look, I won't stand for this kind of insult.
First they reject my camel and then they accuse me of bathing.
You can't just walk around in a mess.
It's closer from here.
Look, I've got hot water now.
Do they have beer on tap here?
You're in a great mood.
I've had enough.
Nobody listens to me.
We're deciding between buying drums or a shoe rack.
The shoe rack wins.
The diapers finally go on sale and what wins?
A rug.
And they vetoed my camel too.
What would you do with a camel?
It's incredibly versatile.
And beautiful.
We're talking about this two-humped horse.
Yeah, also the one-humped kind, that's called a dromedary.
What would you do with it?
It'd wait for me outside the pub and take me home.
And if the building manager ambushed me at night, it'd spit right in her face.
It really is versatile.
Definitely more than a water heater.
What water heater?
The one they're buying instead of the spitter.
Why a water heater?
Yours is perfectly fine.
Herko, what's everyone's problem, it's not like I bathe.
No, you don't.
You're a tough guy after all.
Exactly.
I just wonder if you've heard anything, maybe second-hand.
Apparently it gives very little hot water.
When a buddy of mine was filling the tub at our place, there was so little hot water his toy boats were scraping the bottom.
My buddy is a sailor.
Sure.
Is my brother home?
I don't care.
I'll be right back.
Hey.
Hi there.
Nothing, just passing by.
You're passing by?
In your underwear?
I just felt like having a coffee.
Want a coffee?
No.
I hear you're buying a water heater.
Yeah, I have to.
Ours is on its last legs.
What kind are you getting?
Well, I was thinking this one.
Small.
How small?
It says right here it's optimal for a family of three.
You'd need one twice as big.
Why?
Just to be safe.
What if someone came to visit.
But nobody ever visits us.
Still.
They lie terribly in those brochures.
They deliberately tell you to buy a smaller one than you need.
And why would they do that?
The smaller one is cheaper.
Exactly.
So wouldn't I expect them to want me to buy the bigger one, since it costs more?
See how you fell for it?
You buy the small one, it's not enough, and then you buy the big one.
Right.
Get it?
They sell two.
Those crooks.
I'm glad you understand.
So the big one.
Who's going to install it?
I don't know, probably some company.
Why not Horvy?
I don't know.
He knows water heaters like nobody else.
I doubt it, it started acting up ever since you brought him in to tune it up.
He clearly said that water heater was on its last legs.
And he tore up the whole bathroom because of it.
I bet without his special condensation pipe you wouldn't even be able to shave.
Well, I'll probably look for someone else.
I'll tell Horvy to give you a good price.
I'm off then!
Wait, you said you'd have a coffee.
It doesn't take me long.
I saw you in the shop window, Mambo, the whole time.
Yeah.
I have an important performance coming up, so I devote every free moment to training.
What did you say?
You couldn't handle proper music.
You'll only break your hat, poor fellow.
Anyone can wiggle their belly.
I'd advise you not to try it.
Why?
You've got so much alcohol in your blood, God knows what would happen if you shook that belly of yours.
I feel great.
Ozzak.
Got a tenner?
Does this look like a kindergarten to you?
Come on!
Hey, how much could a camel cost?
No idea.
Horvat said the butcher pays him a liter per hundred kilos for a pig.
So for a camel it might be similar.
One tenner.
That's not enough.
Hang on.
It works!
You slipped me a ten and you'll keep charging my brother twelve.
You want me to cheat my own friend?
We'll split it.
Deal.
Yes, right.
I wanted to ask if a condensation pipe can be mounted on this model.
A condensation pipe.
Well, you should know better what it is, right?
One moment.
Ivuska, go get the door, I'm on the phone.
Okay, I'm back.
One moment.
Go open the door, what if someone's there?
There will be, Marcela is bringing costumes.
What if someone else is there?
So what?
One more moment.
They'll see you.
Okay, I'm back.
So, shall we agree?
For tomorrow?
At five?
Good, I'm looking forward to it.
Alright, just for today.
Who's here?
Nobody else.
Lexa!
Stop spying on Iva!
Good day, Marcelka.
A dignified afternoon, Tomas.
I think I've already apologized, haven't I?
"I meant well" is not an apology.
Ivuska!
I'm coming from the rental shop.
Oh, thank you.
One moment.
That's the whole costume?
Those are two.
For Iva and for Sasa.
This thing can't cover anything at all.
God, it's like a two-piece swimsuit.
You have a two-piece swimsuit?
Dad, please, can you stop embarrassing me in front of strangers?
Thank you.
So I'm embarrassing you?
And aren't you embarrassing yourself, little girl, wanting to writhe around in this nothing in front of some Arab guys?
Tomas, now you're going too far.
The Qatari prince is no brute.
A Qatari prince?
Yes, he confirmed attendance yesterday.
It will be the social event of the year.
Oh God.
You should be proud of Iva.
Proud?
When someone sees her in this, they'll drag her straight to a harem.
Tomas, this is a standard costume.
Last time it was rented by Livie Klausova and nobody dragged her anywhere.
Ivuska will look very lovely in it.
Fine, then let her show me in it.
What's the matter?
If some prince gets to see it, why can't her own father?
Go on.
Tomas, calm down.
The Qatari prince is no slave driver.
Zoran says you won't find a kinder person among arms dealers.
Marcelka, the Orient is a completely different world.
But it's changing, modernizing.
The prince's third wife, for example, has a driver's license completely legally.
The prince arranged an exemption from the law.
Well, I did try to imagine it, but it was even worse.
Hey.
You've got Milos?
Yep.
Wow.
Some kids pulled him out of the basement, thought he was sick, and took him to the vet next door.
Poor things.
Oh well.
A few shots in the belly never killed anyone.
Wow.
Just like the old days.
You, me, and Milos.
Come, let's sit.
Horvy really has it?
Yeah.
You can always count on Horvy.
When's he coming?
Hard to say.
He called saying they threw him off the tram, so now he's riding it.
That's unbelievable.
I'm going to have a spitter.
Well, if you hold out another month on the tenner.
No problem.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Nothing, just stretching.
Want something?
Do you have coffee?
Sure.
Doesn't it make you nervous though?
About what?
That Sasa will be writhing in front of some Arab sheikh.
Totally.
What if he's got his eye on her.
Well yeah.
That prince, a chance like that might not come along again.
It says here he's 60 and has 22 wives.
See, that sounds perfect.
The women are taken care of, they chat, and the men bother them once every two years.
Well, it's against our culture.
Does it say how much he makes?
Yeah, but it's in camels.
Wait, here.
Average monthly income, 7,000 dromedaries.
7,000?
I don't care about that.
Why not?
I've realized a water heater is much better.
Even though I don't bathe.
Pacovsky?
Yeah, you're the water heater guy.
Who's the water heater guy?
One moment.
I ended up hiring a different company.
Well, I'm already here.
Yeah, you're waiting in front of the building.
That soon, huh?
Well, I'd better get down there.
Thanks, great coffee.
It's the water.
Lexa, listen to me carefully now.
Come on, don't tell me we haven't met before.
You remind me so much of someone.
I'd be very surprised.
This is my first time in this building, ausgerechnet, as we plumbers say.
But what?
Damn.
What an idiot.
And sorry again for locking you in the cellar.
Yeah, no problem.
And is your bathroom worth the hassle now?
The condensation pipe.
That's a good one.
You really fell for it, huh?
Yeah, what an artist.
What was your name again?
Pacovsky.
Right, Pacovsky, sure, sure.
I don't wanna get it wrong when I tell the guys at the shop.
Because they won't believe me anyway.
I guarantee it. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Dad.
No.
Do you realize how long we've been training?
You'll thank me one day.
Arab women will keep walking around in sacks because of you.
You too.
Dad, Sasa won't go without me and Marcelka can't dance a herd of mares by herself.
She'll manage.
Marcelka, Iva, could you please talk to my father?
Yeah, he won't let me go to the performance.
What do you mean, in the cellar?
Who locked you in?
Your husband?
Ah, he saw you rehearsing in the costume.
Exactly.
Ivuska, thank God, you're not in the cellar.
That husband of Marcelka's must have Arab ancestors.
He treats her like a slave.
He's not the only one.
What?
The grand vizier here put me under house arrest too.
Pacovsky, hello.
It won't work without her.
I can't dance a herd of mares alone.
See?
My daughter is no mare.
Mr. Pacovsky, you don't understand.
Performing for the Qatari prince is an enormous honor.
If this goes well, it opens the door to all the Arab capitals.
I've been waiting my whole life for an opportunity like this.
Not a chance.
Goodbye, Cairo.
Maybe you and Sasa could manage.
Who's Sasa?
The one with the chestnut in her belly button.
Goodbye, Cairo.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
I'm so sorry we have to part ways like this.
A tenner.
But it's my final offer.
Who is that?
My brother.
Where did he learn the Bengali style?
What, Ozzak?
Look, he's doing figure eights.
That shoulder accent.
Excuse me, did you study under Fatima?
No, under Simona.
That must be an excellent school.
Would you have two hours free?
You could even meet the Qatari prince.
That's the one with the camels.
And he can be incredibly generous.
He put his three favorite dromedaries up in the presidential suite at the Hilton.
Ozzak is a real man.
He's got a great figure.
Thanks.
And once he's in the costume, nobody will notice.
What about the mustache?
Have you ever seen the prince's third wife?
According to the driver of tram number 15, the trail of the llama stolen from the Prague Zoo ends at the Letenske namesti stop.
I originally thought it was just some big dog, but it didn't have a muzzle, so I let it off here.
Nowhere.
I'll open it myself.
Simona, you really went too far with that condensation pipe.
Stop being angry, we need to wash ourselves sometimes too.
Come on.
Schnitzel?
Sasa just finished frying them.
Look, I'm using a bit of hot water.
It's the principle.
Great, so you don't mind if I take a shower?
Horvat and I worked really hard.
And he can stay out of my sight too.
Now all the plumbers in the neighborhood are laughing at me because of him.
Well, Horvy was always a real joker.
Is it good?
Exotic meat.
I've still got 50 kilos of it.
So can I?
Fine.
Alright, go ahead, and don't use up all the water or I'll deal with you.
Go!
Water fight!
Yes, Mrs. Building Manager, you can count on me.
Yes, there won't be any more problems with my brother.
Right, yes, I'll keep an eye on him.
No, bear with me, but from next week it's over.
I understand, certainly.
Well, then it couldn't have been him.
Oh, then it probably was him.
No, no, of course I don't want to lose access to the common areas, or the cellar.
Yes, right, no, Mrs. Building Manager, you're kind, I know you let us off conditionally, I appreciate it.
Mrs. Building Manager, I'll set my brother straight.
He'll behave like clockwork.
I've had a very good influence on him lately.
Yes, a very good influence.
Yes, yes, of course no stomping on the stairs.
Yes, no yelling.
Yes, absolutely no spitting.
No spitting, that I can swear to.
Yes, Mrs. Building Manager, thank you, goodbye, and I think everything will be just fine.